When that devil gets in there…

How much is Satan and how much is me? As time has gone on, I’ve found myself wondering how much of my emotions have been affected by Satan, and how much was my own sense of insecurity and doubt. Then that takes me down a road of thinking, how much does Satan really have to say to get my mind to take off on a tangent. I think when we find out the answer to this question we will be surprised.

I don’t feel like every bad thing comes from Satan. I don’t think he is lurking behind that flat tire you got on your way to work or that sickness your kiddo brought home from school. I think that there is a large human component to some of the bad things that happen in our lives. I think there are many time we make situations harder on ourselves because of our mindset.

On the other side of that, I also believe that Satan has been around humans a loooong time. I believe that he knows people very very well. I think he understands how we use our vices and knows how to play the odds to influence people.


When I go through spiritually hard times, I begin to notice that I when I feel guilty about displeasing God, I tend to avoid my bible. I think you can equate it to wanting to avoid a person when you know you’ve upset them. I believe, unfortunately, this is human nature. Most of us don’t like conflict. But I think the sin comes because when we avoid the bible, we aren’t meditating on the word and being purposeful in our lives. And it just leads to a cycle where a month has passed, or a year, or many years, and we find ourselves asking what happened.

But while I do believe we play a big role in our own wrongdoings, I think that often times, the devil needs only to whisper a few key ideas in our ears. And we take off with those whispers.

Which leads me to believe that Paul told us to take every thought captive for this very  reason. Because when we are out of the word, all of those voices running around in our thoughts start to sound the same. And we just don’t discern thing in our lives as well. At least I know this to be true in my own life.

Going through these struggles is tough, but I really believe that after we are through it, we see why we need to focus and meditate on the word. Which is really just STUDYING the bible. Knowing it in your heart. Because if we know the things God wants us to know, we can use those words and promises to fight the temptation to avoid him when we feel like we’ve displeased him.

I want to wish you luck if you’re going through this. Regardless if we’ve put it on ourselves or not. Jesus didn’t die for only those people who fall into Satan’s temptations, but also for those of us who mess everything up ourselves. It’s ok. I love you and so does he, and you will get through. He works for our good because we have chosen to love and serve him. He does not forget that.

Romans 8:28


28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Struggles of Comparison

It’s everywhere isn’t it? The struggle of comparison.  I always thought it was just me, but I don’t believe that much anymore. I first thought it was because I was such a sensitive person. And yes, by sensitive, I mean super hyper-sensitive. Like an empathetic hyper-sensitive person. If you have never looked into this then I’d imagine you don’t struggle from this. I’d also imagine that you don’t have an idea where I’m coming from. Maybe you’re a millenial? Maybe you aren’t. That’s ok. For many years I didn’t know myself. I thought there was something wrong with me. That I was messed up from my past. That I wasn’t mentally strong enough. That I was a *snowflake….

But I’ve come to realize that snowflakes are beautiful.

close up photography of snowflake
Photo by Egor Kamelev on

Have you ever went through and looked at pictures of snowflakes? They are all so different from each other, yet they all come from the same basic components. They each hold their own beauty. They have their own intricate patterns. Something I just can’t imagine came out of nowhere-from a big bang in the center of this universe. Something that displays such a detailed design. Each one. And if you’re capitated by this the same way I am, take a trip down youtube lane-just be careful and use discernment…

See, I am a snowflake. Maybe that gives you a negative connotation of me? I’m not sure. I know that I have many struggles I have to face every day. I know that I’m trying to do what is best for my kids and for my family. I know that my children come first. I know that I see other people around me doing life so much better than me. I know that when I see this I often feel inadequate and it knocks me down. Especially when those people are my family.  And especially when you know those people well enough that you know that their comments passed in conversation with you, are made in an attempt to lift themselves up while making you feel less….

I’ve come to realize that we are all a little messed up. No matter what. There are those people out there who are all so pretty and well packaged. They have all the bells and whistles. They have all the extra-curriculars down pat, the volunteering, the church going, the soup suppers, the coaching opportunities, the youth groups,  the family get together’s that you somehow always miss out on. But I realize these people are hurting too. And that something about you, pokes a great big hole in their scabbed over, non-healed hurt.

woman standing on brown wooden plank
Photo by Kilian M on

In this life, no one is perfect. What has helped me most is knowing this and letting go. I don’t need to know someone else’s hurt to make myself feel better. We all face our own mountains in this life, and I believe that is what God has placed in our lives for us to overcome. Not in an evil sense, but to grow and come to a place where we can hear him. Where we go to him instead of our vices. Where we can truly be ourselves. And once we can conquer this, we go out into the world and show others they can do the very same thing.

I’m no where near the point I can go out and tell you how to overcome the issues you face in your life. But I can tell you I’ve faced my fare share of issues. And the only thing, the ONLY thing that has truly helped to heal that hole is GOD. His love, his words, his encouragement is what keeps me going. What helps me to forgive others, even if I’m the one who is holding resentment. To let myself forgive. To let myself look past the offense that I believe those close to me have put one me. Because, maybe they didn’t mean it like I thought, but because that is what I think, that is my truth, and that is what I must overcome. We are put on this earth to love people, as much as we love ourselves. We must overcome the heavy burdens we place on ourselves to look past the things we think people have done to us. If we can’t do this, we will remain stuck and not flourish. I’m asking you now, for my sake, as well as yours. OVERCOME. Download a bible app called YOUVERSION bible. It has so many plans to help you overcome depression, sadness, frustration, anger, instabilitly. This has helped me more than anyone will every know. When I was new in my faith, I had a difficult time reading the bible from front to back to figure out what I needed to do in this life to face my own battles. It was hard. But since I happened to find this app, it has helped me tremendously. I will not say it has fixed my life. Because it hasn’t. But it has given me the tools I needed to put things into perspective. I truly hope this helps you, because I understand your struggles.