As you know, I was trying to decide whether I wanted to continue homeschool or to do public school this year. And it took me up until Wednesday of last week to decide that I wanted to put them in a school a little over a half an hour away.
It felt like I broke off a piece of my heart and stuck it in that school when I dropped the boys off. I guess that’s just part of it. Dropping them off. Waving goodbye. Praying for the Lord to watch over them.
I wanted so much to homeschool. I did. But it came to a point for me, that I felt like they would see more benefits at school than they would at home. I felt like they didn’t have enough here in our small town geological oddity (40 minutes to anywhere), to keep them stimulated and engaged in any activities outside of school.
They talked, and oh they are social. But they just didn’t get to experience much with teamwork, or working in a group. Things like that. I try to shy away from the s word (socialization for those unfamiliar with homeschool) Because I don’t really believe I need my kids socialized by the public school. I think they need to me socialized by me, their grandparents, their family, friends, and neighbors, the lady at walmart, the guy crossing the street. I believe my boys learned socialization just fine without going to public school. But what they haven’t learned was any kind of group work. And that was one of the reasons I put them in school.
I believe I accomplished what I set out to accomplish with them. My goal for homeschooling was that they develop a deep trust in Christ and had a good moral foundation to make their decisions from. I know they will struggle and I know they will make mistakes, but that’s how they will learn. Now it’s my turn to trust in the Lord that he will protect them. That he will use his Holy Spirit to guide their hearts and strengthen their conscious.
Now, even though I believe these things, I am also experience some guilt. I feel like I would have gotten through with homeschooling had I continued to trust in the Lord. And that is something I’m going to have to work out with God.