Ever since the loss of my Grandparents in 2000, holidays haven’t been the same. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of seeing what happens when all that is holding siblings together is their parents. And once that tie is broken, so are the relationships that were hanging on by a thread. I feel this is a common occurrence and although many times, people don’t realize it at the beginning, they begin to see how much of an impact mom and dad had on their kinship with their brothers and sisters once they’ve passed.
It seems personality types have so much to do with these struggles. Narcissism, envy, wrongdoings, lies, comparing children (even to adulthood), just struggles most adults don’t want to partake in becomes evident during this time we have together. But it brings up that question, that question that doesn’t get spoken until you’ve already let the negativity bring you down. That question that doesn’t pop up in your mind at first. The question of….where is my focus?
See, holidays aren’t about touting yourself, your new job, your prodigy child, pointing out insufficiency’s of others. Holidays are about enjoying the time you have with each other and doing good for others. Treating others as you would treat yourself. Maybe one day we can reach the point where we do these types of good all year. But holidays are a wonderful start to this. They are a chance to right wrongs, be the bigger person, show love and kindness, even if that means letting someone else proclaim their opinion louder than your own. Because your focus, your own focus, isn’t on yourself and how you want others to view you at these gatherings. Your focus on on God. And in leaving your focus on God, you can let all the other things go, because they don’t matter. There is so much in this world that man thinks is the key to success, but I believe the only true success, is your relationship with God. Because that relationship affects so many other relationships in your life. Its the difference between forgiveness and hate. Envy and happiness. The narrow path and the wide path.
If you’re a believer and you trust in God, you can often times see where others are hurting, and that in doing the behaviors they do (that annoy you) you can see their personal struggles. The best thing you can do for yourself and for your family is to pray. Pray for your struggle with your feelings towards them and pray for their own struggles.
If you aren’t a believer and want to be close to God, the best advice I have to offer is to pray, read, and internalize the bible. Start small and work your way up. Start with the 10 commandments. These have always been so important to God that we see them over and over, with Jesus actually digging deeper into them in Matthew. Come to God with a heart of repentance. Be sorry for the sin in your life and ask for change. Keep asking. You will find him when you seek him with all your heart and for many people, it doesn’t happen overnight. I have been on my own journey with the lord since 2014. I’m not perfect, nor will I ever be. I hope and pray that in sharing my own personal struggles, someone reading can gain some benefit and not feel alone. I’ve prayed a lot this holiday season and I will continue to do so. I probably annoy people as much as I am annoyed by their narcissism. I believe the true seal of doing a good job in life, is having other people talk highly of you. Unfortunately with social media the way it is, brandishing your own accomplishments over and over again is becoming the societal norm. So having it flow into your family is not a surprise. But I’m here to tell you there are still people out there who don’t believe in doing life this way and are trying to do life differently. And on that note, I’m off to work on getting the mote out of my own eye, so eventually, I can help others with the stick in theirs.