When that devil gets in there…

How much is Satan and how much is me? As time has gone on, I’ve found myself wondering how much of my emotions have been affected by Satan, and how much was my own sense of insecurity and doubt. Then that takes me down a road of thinking, how much does Satan really have to say to get my mind to take off on a tangent. I think when we find out the answer to this question we will be surprised.

I don’t feel like every bad thing comes from Satan. I don’t think he is lurking behind that flat tire you got on your way to work or that sickness your kiddo brought home from school. I think that there is a large human component to some of the bad things that happen in our lives. I think there are many time we make situations harder on ourselves because of our mindset.

On the other side of that, I also believe that Satan has been around humans a loooong time. I believe that he knows people very very well. I think he understands how we use our vices and knows how to play the odds to influence people.


When I go through spiritually hard times, I begin to notice that I when I feel guilty about displeasing God, I tend to avoid my bible. I think you can equate it to wanting to avoid a person when you know you’ve upset them. I believe, unfortunately, this is human nature. Most of us don’t like conflict. But I think the sin comes because when we avoid the bible, we aren’t meditating on the word and being purposeful in our lives. And it just leads to a cycle where a month has passed, or a year, or many years, and we find ourselves asking what happened.

But while I do believe we play a big role in our own wrongdoings, I think that often times, the devil needs only to whisper a few key ideas in our ears. And we take off with those whispers.

Which leads me to believe that Paul told us to take every thought captive for this very¬† reason. Because when we are out of the word, all of those voices running around in our thoughts start to sound the same. And we just don’t discern thing in our lives as well. At least I know this to be true in my own life.

Going through these struggles is tough, but I really believe that after we are through it, we see why we need to focus and meditate on the word. Which is really just STUDYING the bible. Knowing it in your heart. Because if we know the things God wants us to know, we can use those words and promises to fight the temptation to avoid him when we feel like we’ve displeased him.

I want to wish you luck if you’re going through this. Regardless if we’ve put it on ourselves or not. Jesus didn’t die for only those people who fall into Satan’s temptations, but also for those of us who mess everything up ourselves. It’s ok. I love you and so does he, and you will get through. He works for our good because we have chosen to love and serve him. He does not forget that.

Romans 8:28


28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

What did I decide?

As you know, I was trying to decide whether I wanted to continue homeschool or to do public school this year. And it took me up until Wednesday of last week to decide that I wanted to put them in a school a little over a half an hour away.

It felt like I broke off a piece of my heart and stuck it in that school when I dropped the boys off. I guess that’s just part of it. Dropping them off. Waving goodbye. Praying for the Lord to watch over them.

I wanted so much to homeschool. I did. But it came to a point for me, that I felt like they would see more benefits at school than they would at home. I felt like they didn’t have enough here in our small town geological oddity (40 minutes to anywhere), to keep them stimulated and engaged in any activities outside of school.

They talked, and oh they are social. But they just didn’t get to experience much with teamwork, or working in a group. Things like that. I try to shy away from the s word (socialization for those unfamiliar with homeschool) Because I don’t really believe I need my kids socialized by the public school. I think they need to me socialized by me, their grandparents, their family, friends, and neighbors, the lady at walmart, the guy crossing the street. I believe my boys learned socialization just fine without going to public school. But what they haven’t learned was any kind of group work. And that was one of the reasons I put them in school.

boy wearing green crew neck shirt jumping from black stone on seashore
Photo by ajay bhargav GUDURU on

I believe I accomplished what I set out to accomplish with them. My goal for homeschooling was that they develop a deep trust in Christ and had a good moral foundation to make their decisions from. I know they will struggle and I know they will make mistakes, but that’s how they will learn. Now it’s my turn to trust in the Lord that he will protect them. That he will use his Holy Spirit to guide their hearts and strengthen their conscious.

Now, even though I believe these things, I am also experience some guilt. I feel like I would have gotten through with homeschooling had I continued to trust in the Lord. And that is something I’m going to have to work out with God.