What did I decide?

As you know, I was trying to decide whether I wanted to continue homeschool or to do public school this year. And it took me up until Wednesday of last week to decide that I wanted to put them in a school a little over a half an hour away.

It felt like I broke off a piece of my heart and stuck it in that school when I dropped the boys off. I guess that’s just part of it. Dropping them off. Waving goodbye. Praying for the Lord to watch over them.

I wanted so much to homeschool. I did. But it came to a point for me, that I felt like they would see more benefits at school than they would at home. I felt like they didn’t have enough here in our small town geological oddity (40 minutes to anywhere), to keep them stimulated and engaged in any activities outside of school.

They talked, and oh they are social. But they just didn’t get to experience much with teamwork, or working in a group. Things like that. I try to shy away from the s word (socialization for those unfamiliar with homeschool) Because I don’t really believe I need my kids socialized by the public school. I think they need to me socialized by me, their grandparents, their family, friends, and neighbors, the lady at walmart, the guy crossing the street. I believe my boys learned socialization just fine without going to public school. But what they haven’t learned was any kind of group work. And that was one of the reasons I put them in school.

boy wearing green crew neck shirt jumping from black stone on seashore
Photo by ajay bhargav GUDURU on

I believe I accomplished what I set out to accomplish with them. My goal for homeschooling was that they develop a deep trust in Christ and had a good moral foundation to make their decisions from. I know they will struggle and I know they will make mistakes, but that’s how they will learn. Now it’s my turn to trust in the Lord that he will protect them. That he will use his Holy Spirit to guide their hearts and strengthen their conscious.

Now, even though I believe these things, I am also experience some guilt. I feel like I would have gotten through with homeschooling had I continued to trust in the Lord. And that is something I’m going to have to work out with God.


faith, homeschool

Homeschooling or Public School

Part of blogging for me is getting to let out my feelings and concerns about myself and my family. It helps me think through my situations and hopefully figure out what I need to do in a more biblical way. It holds me accountable to put feelings out there for the world to see.

I’m at a crossroads. A bit of a struggle. You see, I have very bright and wonderful boys. 9 and 6. But I have boys who do not want to make school a priority. They want to be boys. And I haven’t found a good way through this.

My oldest, I literally have to stand over, stay in the same room with him and direct him what to do. I’ve tried timers, rewards, sticker charts, incentives, punishments, taking away screen time, etc. He is a dwadler. He will drop his pencil 20 times and lean over his chair to pick it up, knock over the chair, fall out onto the ground, all in an attempt to get out of doing math for a few minutes.

My youngest just isn’t interested. I’ve tried different books, different levels of phonics, easier math, harder math, and I’ve come to the conclusion they just don’t want to  “do school” when they are home.

Now I know that part of this is my own issue. There are things I want them to get through, that I know they can get through, but that they’d rather not get through. I just know they can do more, but they really don’t want to-in regards to school. But I feel like they would listen to a teacher better than they would listen to me. I don’t know if this is a true feeling for me, or if its just my mind, playing tricks on me, but often times, they do listen better when they are around other people.

Don’t get me wrong, they do listen. They have their chores they do in the mornings, and when we are out and about they know the rules–stay by me in the parking lot, behave in the grocery store, be respectful, etc. But it’s like as soon as I mention the word school, a switch flips and they just don’t want to do it.

This has gotten to the point where I myself am dreading even bringing up school. It has made me question if this is the right choice for them. I wonder if I would feel any better about their education if I put them in school. I don’t know. I’ve seen alot of posts about quitting homeschool, but not a whole lot where people are actually going through it in real time. And that is where I’m at right now. I want to do what is best for my kids, whatever that may be. But I am standing here in the middle of the road, with no directions, trying to figure out which way I need to go.

If only I had a crystal ball, to tell me which way is best for me to go. That is my struggle. So many paths. So many choices. So much resistance from my kiddos.

See, when I started this adventure with homeschool, I was strongly convicted by God to do so. And I still feel that way. I feel as though if I put them in school, (and I’m not passing judgement on anyone who has chosen that path. I feel this and am saying this only about myself and my personal life in this moment) that I will not be doing what God wants me to do with my children. So I guess I’m technically going against what I am convicted to do. That isn’t a great feeling, but neither is the dread of trying to get them to “do school” every day they don’t want to. Which is pretty much every day. They listen to almost everything else I ask them to do. I don’t believe it is an all out discipline problem with them. I don’t honestly know what it is, but I know it is a struggle. And I don’t have much of a support group, so going at it alone is pretty much what I’m doing. I believe this is the general struggle all Christians face, the decision between letting it go and trusting God, or giving in and doing it mans way. I’m not saying that public school is man’s way. I’m just saying that our choices on this earth are to follow God, or follow our own (mans) choices.

Something I’m clinging on to at the moment is a verse I read that encourages me to stay in my faith and not take it out of Gods hands. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. —Romans 8:28

Now, I’m not some bible thumping, people convicting, opinionated mama who negatively thwarts out bible verses to those out in the world who are hurting, in an attempt to get a word in, instead of showing them love in that moment where they are at in their lives.  I believe we are put on this earth to 1) LOVE GOD. and 2) LOVE PEOPLE. So if you think that my post is insinuating that you are not a good parent for putting your child in public school, or homeschooling when you can no longer take it, you are mistaken. I am simply putting my thought process on a computer screen of what I want to do with my own children.

While I’m not trying to be judgemental, I’m still conflicted. I know what I want to do, and I know what God wants me to do. I’m stuck, but I have to move across this intersection. I can’t chose to do God’s will, and wish the whole time that I didn’t or vice versa. I want to do what is best for my kids.  I don’t want to homeschool them with a grudge in my heart. I have to be in the right place in my heart to make the choice that I need to make. So we have a few weeks to make a decision. And I know in my heart that God uses all things for good. And he can use our mistakes to bring about good. So I have faith in knowing that whatever happens, God is there.


Solar Eclipse August 21st, 2017

As many of you may already know from the news and facebook (which pretty much is my news), there is a solar eclipse coming Monday August 21st. There will be a total solar eclipse viewable in a path across the united states. Below is a map provided by nasa that shows the path of the total eclipse.

2017 Total Solar Eclipse Global Map

You can actually enter your zip code in the following web link (the link will direct you to vox website and there you enter your zip) to see how much of the sun will be eclipsed in your city and state.

solar eclipse zip code

Being as how this is a fairly rare event, and I’m homeschooling now, I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to come up with a lesson plan on solar eclipse’s for my 5 and 8 year old. I will paste a link for the lesson plan I made, pretty much from google, on here and you can use it for your own family.

solar eclipse 2017

I’m hoping to be able to travel to Paducah, Ky to see the total eclipse with my family. It is the closest viewable site to our home (still a little over a 3 hour drive). There are tons of stoppable points across the us. You can google places to go for the total eclipse and page after page will pop up.

I hope you enjoy your eclipse day with your family and friends, and can take this opportunity to learn a little more about it. There is always something we can learn every day, and even if it isn’t always learning material we are planning to present to our kids, we can learn it for our own knowledge as adults. Always keep learning!! God Bless

Isaiah 40:26

 Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens.
    Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one
    and calls forth each of them by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
    not one of them is missing.

faith, homeschool

Second Chance

This will be my second chance with homeschooling. I guess you can call it a second chance. I’m not going to think of it totally as another chance, because this time, we are going all the way through. The first go around, when I homeschooled my first kiddo through kindergarten and first grade, I wasn’t really sure what I was doing. I had read many, many articles on homeschool. Mentally noting each difference between the many ways homeschool can be done. Trying to figure out my son’s learning style so I’d choose the perfect way to teach him.
I had two children at the time. A 5 year old and a very rambunctious 3 year old. I was working part-time at the hospital on evening shift and the occasional night shift. Juggling time between home, work, and family. It was difficult to even think straight. I felt like I was pulled in so many different directions I didn’t know which way was up.
When Benjibear asked me halfway into his first grade year to go to school, I’m not going to lie….part of me was relieved. I was to the point I was crying every night, both he and I were frustrated because we weren’t getting things done consistently. He would have rather not gotten anything done at all. See, he is a kid who doesn’t really want to sit down and go through a workbook. I found that out about him. It is hard for him to sit and pay attention several hours and then go on to complete an assignment that he had to pay attention to the lesson to complete. I’m not sure why I thought that public school would work any better for him. I think I was more hopeful that they could do something…anything to help change the way he learned. But i’ve come to realize that isn’t possible. I’m to the point that I can see that trying to change him will only result in a loss of confidence in himself. It already had to a point.
But it wasn’t only that he had a different learning style than most of the children in his class. It was a tiny voice, deep down inside my mind telling me that I needed to bring him home. Benjibear would come home and say things like, “I can’t believe I was gone for 8 hours, that is just like work mom. That’s what you do. Don’t you think family time is more important than being gone?” And I have to say yes, I did. It bothered me that he was away that long. Obviously it bothered him too. While I don’t believe that every family is called to homeschool, I believe with all my heart that mine is. And I wish it wasn’t, because occasionally when I think about going all the way through high school a tight, slightly suffocating knot forms in my chest. I mean, I don’t have any of this planned out. I’m trying to do the best I can. I feel so much like Jonah that I reference him often. But I can’t deny the feeling. It’s like that feeling when you are presented with two choices, a right choice which you know in your gut is right, but you don’t want to do it. And a wrong choice, which presents itself with a much easier opportunity for you than the other choice. But you have it deep in your bones that you know you have to do the right thing. That is what homeschooling is like for me at this point.

Im not really sure how we are going to do this. I’m not totally positive on their learning styles or my teaching style. But I know one thing. God’s got this. He’s told us this whole time that we aren’t supposed to be anxious for anything. We don’t have to have all the answers to get to the end page of this life, or these different journeys within our lives. We just have to have faith that he is going to take over and grow the seeds we are planting within our children minds. I don’t have a plan, but I do have faith. That will get us through.