I’ve been listening to youtube alot lately. I haven’t taken much time to read the bible, so I’ve been trying to listen to it. I’ve not taken in my daily bread and you can tell it in my life. I always struggle when I don’t keep my focus on God.
What is my greatest struggle? My mind. My thoughts. I’ve always been hard on myself, and with age, that hardness has turned into condemnation, self-pity, and depression. This is what happens to me when I don’t stay in my bible. When I step out in my own strength. It happens every time, but here lately, it’s been becoming detrimental more quickly. What I mean to say is that, the more I rely on my bible, the more I need God. So when I step out of that, things go to hell. Fast.
I’ve decided I can look at this as a good thing or a bad thing. I think that its a good thing because I want to live God’s will. If I didn’t want to live in God’s will, it would not be a good thing.
Do you know what I’m choosing to do with myself when I step out of my focus on God? It’s nothing spectacular. It isn’t exciting. It’s self-pity. I’m whining and complaining about my circumstances. Feeling sorry for myself. Choosing unbelief. Ask me how self-pity is unbelief. Well, my mind on self-pity tells me what God is currently doing for me is not good enough. My mind on self-pity tells me God hasn’t looked closely enough at my circumstances. It tells me that he missed something and that I don’t trust him enough to wait on him, and not be anxious.
Does any of this sound familiar to you? Can you relate? Going through this in real time, helps me to realize I can’t stay in this place. Stepping out in my own strength is not what God wants from me. When I’m going through these hard times, is when I need his help. It’s also when it’s hardest to ask for help.
In that self-pity cycle, I’m over on one side of the room and God’s on the other. Instead of reaching out to him and asking for his comfort, I’m over here, hugging myself, saying terrible things in my thoughts. I don’t feel worthy of his comfort. I believe those lies Satan whispers ever so lovingly in my ear. Those enticing words of self-hate and rejection. I don’t know why it’s so easy to cling to those thoughts. I suppose we will find out one day. But not while we are here on this earth. But in those deep moments, where I’m filled with with FEELINGS of dread, disdain, envy, self-hatred, in those moments, I’m in unbelief. I’m choosing to disagree with my loving God. I’m choosing to believe a liar, a thief, an accuser.
Say Sally No-name comes up to you one day. You know her as the town gossip, an adulterer, she’s stolen money from the local high school and gotten away with it because it’s a small town and her dad owns half of it. She thrives off negative gossip whether it’s true or not. She wants to tell everything bad she hears about everyone. If she told you, you are worthless, would you internalize that, or would you consider the source and walk away. Now, it may hurt your feelings initially, because no one enjoys being called names, but I don’t think you’d loose any sleep over it. I think you would eventually realize the type of person she is negates anything she says.
Satan is much like this. More than likely, he is the leader of Sally No-names internal thought monologue. Probably without her even realizing. But if you know Sally is a liar, and you can disregard her conversation, then come to the point where you realize those thoughts in YOUR mind are also a conversation. AN INFLUENCE. And occasionally, a bunch of lies. And where else do those lies come from, but the ultimate liar. When you realize the source, you can make that conscious choice to refuse the thought. Don’t accept it. Don’t let it come into your heart and fill you with grief. Believe what your father tells you, you are perfectly and wonderfully made. Keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on the Lord. (Romans 5:1). You are utterly secure in me; nothing will be able to separate you from my love in Christ Jesus, You are now part of the people of God (1 Peter 2:9). And together the life you now live is by faith in my Son (Galatians 2:20). Don’t live by your own power or understanding. No, live by my Spirit within you (Zechariah 4:6; Proverbs 3:5). Remember, I have given you the Holy Spirit to be with you and in you (Romans 5:5; John 14:17). The Spirit will guide you into all truth, help you to obey me, and empower you to do my work (John 16:7, 13; Acts 1:8; Galatians 5:16).
Look at all these things he tells us. He’s trying to help us see. He loves us. He knows the numbers of hairs on our heads and stitched us together in our mother’s wombs. We are precious to him after the sacrifice of Jesus. You are no longer darkness, but light in my Son. Walk as children of light (Ephesians 5:8). You have a glorious future (Romans 8:18). You are a citizen of heaven (Philippians 3:20).
If you fell from Heaven and could never get back in, would you keep as many people out as you could. Consider the source.